In speaking to others about family one of the most common hardest things to do is staying out of our grown children’s business. It would be wonderful if we could just flip a switch in our brains and instantly when the drama starts to leave the room, hang up the phone, or listen without offering unasked-for opinions and advice. Personally, sometimes, I have had to bite my tongue until it felt as if it was almost bleeding. You see when they are young, they are taught to obey us and rightfully so. But when they are grown, they no longer are obligated in any way to obey us but to honor or respect us and there is the rub! Most parents find it hard to make the transition and are still expecting and are often trying to emotionally manipulate their grown children into doing what they think is best. Can I say that it usually does not end well and accepting their right to make choices is the same right that we have.
To my two grown children, I say, forgive me for all the times that I stuck my nose into where it did not belong. I could say that I only did it because I love you, but if I am honest, I was not thinking about love at the time. Chances are that I was feeling rather fearful of that cliff that I saw you walking towards and I wanted to break your fall! Humm, now was that love or trying to control?
Keeping it real…Every now and then I still have a difficult time allowing my grown daughter and son to just live their lives. I know that they must find their own way. I also know that they will make wrong choices, sometimes. But so, did I and I still do from time to time. The good thing is that life is a fantastic teacher and if we live long enough, we get to learn a few things. I am older and wiser now and have a desire to live the best possible life that I can and that means learning from my mistakes and not doing the same unwise things repeatedly expecting different results!
I talk to my mom several times a week and things that I do not want her opinion on- I just do not ask! She tells me often how proud she is of me knowing that my life is not perfect! She respects me and I certainly respect her but every now and then she will voice her opinion that I have not asked for and she will give advice that I have not asked for either. When she does that, I smile to myself, deflect, or hurry and get off the phone. There are ways to love and keep peace!
Okay people, I am doing my best to stay out of their business! I hate drama! I run from it like I have a fire behind me! Every now and then I must pray and bite my tongue and carefully ask questions to get them to think things through and give them the freedom to make their own choices. It was so much easier when they were little!